I really have a strange child...

My daughter, Sprout, in order to prevent me from eating the ears off her chocolate Easter Bunnies, has chomped all the ears off herself. Sort of the chocolate equivalent of "If I can't have them without worrying about them first, then NO ONE will!"

Problem is, I'm all talk when it comes to snarfing the ears off my kids' bunnies. Sally Forth I am not (read that comic for YEARS, and I just the other day got the double entendre in the name).

I'm more like Ted. And Sprout is becoming more and more like Hillary. We talk about subjects that are silly, while Wyfster (our Sally) sits in the background rolling her eyes. I'll give you an example.

I saw, for the first time the other day, a TV show on Spike TV called "Deadliest Warrior". The premise is simple. A group of 4 experts call in specialists in (mostly) archaic weapons and fighting styles. They take measurements of these weapons in use (speed of projectiles, force of a strike, penetration power, etc), add in information about the typical example of the specific warrior class (Samurai, Vikings, Apache warriors, etc) like height, weight, etc.

All this data is fed into a complex computer program that then takes the data, and runs 1000 simulations of a one-on-one combat between two of the warrior classes (Apache Warrior versus Roman Gladiator, for example), and after 1000 simulations, they indicate which warrior would emerge victorious (the Apache beat the Gladiator, BTW).

Sprout and I watched a couple of episodes, and actually debated on one (Viking versus Samurai). My daughter figured the Viking's larger frame and brute force would overcome the Samurai's slight build and speed. It was close, but the Samurai was victorious.

But the point is that my daughter formed an opinion regarding a hypothetical combat between two warriors who would never meet on the field of battle.

I'm not quite sure what this says about my 7-year-old daughter, or my skill (or lack thereof) as a parent. My daughter is sarcastic, yet respectful. Vicariously violent (through such things as this TV show, for instance), but gentle as any other little girl you can find. She's a fantastic student, yet suffers from a slight case of test anxiety, and worries if her scores are not perfect (though my wife and I are VERY careful to make sure to not put that kind of pressure on her).

I thought daughters weren't supposed to be such paradoxes until at least the pre-teen years.

What in the world did I do wrong (or right)? And what am I going to do when she gets to be totally unpredictable?

I can only hope that she remembers how much she likes spending time with daddy, and how much she likes talking with mommy, and her pre-teen and teen years are as abnormally easy as her infancy was.

Or else I could end up as more of a basket-case than I am already.

Hollywood and the rationality of a 5-year-old...

So, I am shopping in Weis market, and use the automated check-out. Squirt, my 5-year-old son goes down to bag the groceries. I had to re-bag them, but, what are you gonna do? He was pleased with himself that he could help. Anyway, while I was re-bagging the groceries, my son looks at the Redbox (great thing for movies, as long as you don't procrastinate in returning videos), and spots the indicator for the movie "Milk" (he reads better than the other kids in his class).

His eyes get wide, and he excitedly says, "Daddy! There's a movie about milk! That's so cool!"

What, I think. I look at the Redbox kiosk, and spot what Squirt did. There, amongst all the mini-posters for the latest movies, is a plain red card that has the title "Milk", and the primary actors (don't know why there wasn't a mini-poster, but...) written in high contrast, back-lit white.

I grin slightly, and explain to my son that the movie was about a man whose name was Harvey Milk. I explained that he was a political figure in California who was killed by a political rival. When my son asked why that would happen, I explained that the why was less important than the fact that a person had been murdered.

A lot of people would wonder how I could speak to my 5-year-old child about such things, but my kids (Sprout, my daughter, is 7 years old) both already have an awareness of things such as life, death, and murder.

I blame religion. We teach kids at a young age about the 10 commandments, which means that young kids need to know what "covet", "murder", "steal", and "honor" mean. Blast it all if that doesn't mean that kids end up having questions about some things that too many adults who try to raise kids with no religion want to pretend little kids shouldn't hear about.

But I digress.

My son was slightly disappointed that "Milk" was not a movie about what we call in our home "moo juice", and accepted that the movie was about a person named Milk.

It also allowed me to make a point that might have been missed by many non-parents. You find a chance to make a point, even if it is not one that you would think is "logical". I explained to my son that the thing to remember was that Mr. Milk's murder by Dan White was important. It was not necessary to go into what Mr. Milk stood for, because that was secondary to the taking of the life of a human who had done nothing wrong under the law.

Through my kids, I am trying to make them understand that it is more important to put aside distinctions and see others simply as people, and not their "identity".

It's a message that bears repeating, on days other than Martin Luther King's birthday.